The Emotions of Divorce

Should you divorce?
Are you thinking about ending your marriage? Are you bored with your life
and disillusioned with your mate? Anger over a husband.s actions,
disappointment over failed dreams, and the drag of everyday life has pushed
many people to throw in the towel on a marriage. The first thing that you
need to realize is that getting a divorce won.t solve all of life.s problems.
In fact, you will probably be faced with a whole new set of problems
because of the divorce, such as less financial stability and support. If you.re
looking for a


change of pace, there are more constructive avenues. No one
but you knows whether a divorce is the best solution for your situation. You
need to look into your heart and use logical reasoning to reach that decision.
You may be married to a man who is basically a good partner, provider, and
father. If you still love your husband and just want your marriage to change,
try marriage counseling before you talk about divorce.
Sometimes a stale and dying marriage can be brought back to life by
pinpointing the problems and working on your marriage. Even if putting the
extra effort into your marriage doesn.t make it work, at least you can go into
a divorce knowing that you gave it your best shot.

Don’t bring up divorce unless you really mean it!
As a word of caution, don.t threaten divorce unless you are actually ready to
go through with it. Using emotional blackmail to get your husband to
change can backfire on you if he decides to take you up on the threat.
Divorce is no way to work out your problems, and the threat of it will bring
no lasting changes in your husband.
It.s also best not to make the decision to divorce in the heat of anger. We all
know how emotions can swing, and reacting out of anger can leave your
reasoning abilities clouded. You may be justified in your anger, but let that
anger subside before you call your lawyer. Once you have cooled off and
looked at the situation from all angles, then make your decision.
What if you’re in love with someone else?
The same can be said about seeking a divorce because you are in love with
someone else. You can.t think clearly when you are in two relationships at
the same time. If the feelings you have for this other person are genuine, put
the relationship on hold while you deal with ending your marriage. True
love will stand the test of time. Once you have ended your marriage and
made peace with your feeling, you can see if you still want to be involved
with this other person.

Don.t look to be rescued from a bad relationship. Get out of it first so that
you can heal your emotional wounds. Then you can think about dating
again. Breaking off a love affair before you divorce is also a wise strategic
move. If your husband knows nothing about the affair, he will be less
inclined to use the divorce for revenge against you.
Get prepared for the emotional roller coaster
Going through a divorce may be one of the most stressful times of your life.
Let.s face it; just thinking about getting a divorce is the pits. There.s the
disappointment of knowing that your marriage just isn.t working. Maybe
you feel anger at your spouse for not living up to your expectations. There
may be issues of abuse, infidelity, or substance addiction that have left your
emotions raw.
If you are the one who decided to end the marriage, you may experience a
lot of sadness. You probably took the vows of forever very seriously, and
it.s hard to admit that you can.t live up to them. Sometimes you just can.t
make it work and it.s better to move on.
It.s common to feel guilty that you are putting your family through a lot of
turmoil. It helps to remember that they would still experience turmoil if you
were to stay in a bad marriage.

If your husband has served you with divorce papers out of the blue, it can be
an incredible blow to your emotions. There.s disbelief, hurt, anger, and the
never-ending question of why. Even if the decision to divorce is mutual,
there is a sadness that descends as you let go of the dream of a happy
marriage.
The emotions you feel are very real and can swing from giddiness over the
possibility of being free to the utter despair of feeling lost and alone. One of
the best things that you can do for yourself is to get the emotional support that
you need. Divorce is in essence the death of your marriage. Unfortunately,
there is not the same community support for divorcing couples, as there would
be for a death in the family. You will need to reach out to your circle of
friends and family to get the emotional support that you need.
Talk to a trusted friend or family member about what is going on. Join a
support group or talk to a counselor about what you are experiencing.
Writing in a journal can also help you to release all the pent-up emotions that
you are feeling. Eventually you will progress from merely surviving to
healing, and from there you will begin your growth as an individual. Time
allows you to heal.